I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
