when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
