Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
