she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
