He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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