Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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