What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
