Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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