erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
