I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
