her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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