Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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