You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
