He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
