There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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