i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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