turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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