Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
