Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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