love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Oh god it's open bar.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
