your parents love me but you hate me
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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