A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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