it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
