What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
