I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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