suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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