dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
