let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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