I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
