Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
