i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
