Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
