My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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