I feel like abortions should bother me more
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
