you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
