It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
