i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
