i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
