White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
