As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
