I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
