when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
