she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
