You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
