I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
