His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
