Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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