Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
