Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
