you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
